then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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