I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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