I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
