I need help removing her.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
