I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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