I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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