what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I could fuck to npr.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
