only if we run a train.
done.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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