So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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