Cold hands, warm shart.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
