look no pants
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
