Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
