It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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