I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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