How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
