the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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