I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
