It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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