grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
