My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
