I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
