is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
