We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
