The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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