Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
