Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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