Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i now understand why vodka
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
