I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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