It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
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You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
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it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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