The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
