we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
