So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
