Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
