I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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