i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
