apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I want her autograph on my taint
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
