I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
