As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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