I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
