Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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