Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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