Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
God I need to hump something, right now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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