If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
