Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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