I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
