You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
