I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
