i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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