Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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