I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
