everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
