here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
