When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
