I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
