He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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