What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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