My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
