Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
