Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
