So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
