i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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