I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
