Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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