Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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