Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
