i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
