Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
