so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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