she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
