I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
