I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
