I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
