I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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