Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
