At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
