I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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