I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
