Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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